Friday, February 19, 2010

A scar is a healed wound

I have a scar on my left hand that was the result of deep cut that happened a year ago. At the time I received the injury, I was sure that the scar would be visible for years and years. This morning, I looked down at it and could barely see it. Then I realized this was my battle scar from our moving weekend…one year ago tomorrow. This scar will always be linked to one of the toughest decisions of my life.

Everyone told me that time would fly by; I was sure it would stand still. It feels like it all took place yesterday, yet the decision seems so much easier today than I remember it feeling. People told me that sometimes you have to take a step backward to move two steps ahead; All I thought about was how hard I had worked to get to that point in my life and how it would killed me to loose it all.

Flash forward 12 months and I never imagined my life would be this good. I am watching my nieces grow up right in front of my eyes. We are closer to our families than we have ever been. We are reminded everyday how blessed we are. Jeff will have been unemployed for a year as of May and I love that we have had very little stress about it. This is the first time in my whole life I haven’t been worried about money. We are not able to travel as much as we are used to and we have to watch where we spend our money more than ever before. But after the bills are paid we still have a little left over for pizza if we want to indulge : ). With all of that being said, we still can’t wait to move and start the next phase of our life. But, we have come to accept and are okay with the time its taking to complete that goal.

We have falling right back inline with the country life we grew up in and fought to get out of. We have learned that it's not about where you are from that makes you who you are, but what you've taken from that place and done with it. We still can’t stand the town we live in, and it still hasn’t earned the right be called our “hometown”. But, right now, it's our home and we are just fine with that.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

life outside our ark...

Our lake front property is coming along nicely. We even have a bubbling stream now.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

14 Christmas' past

I have been processing this blog in my mind for several weeks and I can’t seem to get it the way I want it so I am just going to turn it into a picture blog about my last 14 Christmas’

Jeff and I celebrated our first Christmas together 14 years ago. He proposed to me on Christmas Eve. I don’t remember anything about presents, I don’t remember about decorations but I remember the moment he asked me to be by his side for the rest of his life as clear as if it was just yesterday. It was a blue moon and he said we should go outside to look at it. It was cold and I was complaining because I wanted to go in and when I turned around to go in, he was behind me on bended knee. It was wonderful and just perfect.

We were married for our 2nd Christmas together. We lived in a small rent house that was literally 2 feet from a bar. There were a few times when people would accidentally walk into our house thinking it was the bar. We would also occasionally find people passed out in their cars parked in our front yard. We shared the house with several small rodents who made themselves at home. We drew the line when they got into our Coffee and then we had super-hyper-I-will-fight-back rodents. Have you ever seen a mouse stand on its hind legs and bat its tiny arms at you when you have a huge broom in your hands? It was just like a scene out of a cartoon.
That was my first Christmas as a stepmom. I was so excited to give Annah all her gifts. She got so many small thing but the big thing is what I remember the most, a Jeep Powerwheel. She was really good at driving it. Her gift to all of us that year was that she cut her own hair.

Annah ( and her self performed haircut ) and her Jeep Powerwheel

Our First Christmas Tree

Our First Angel

Our First ornaments :

I bought this one for Jeff, he just loves Alice in Wonderland

These are so delicate, we lost one the first year but have maintained to keep the other 3 together for all these years

These were a "free with fuel fill up" Jeff would get one each time he filled up his car on his way to work at this small gas station. These are ALWAYS on the tree, no matter what the theme is.

Our first stockings, Jeff's, Annah's and mine.

Our 3rd and 4th Christmas’ run together; we spent those in apartments. We had gift exchange parties with our friends. I honestly don’t even remember where in our apartment the 3rd Christmas tree was placed. It was around this time that we stopped exchanging gifts for Christmas and Birthdays. We felt it was silly because buying little surprises all year long was so much more fun and more of a surprise than waiting for it on a specific day.

Our 5th – 9th Christmas’ were spent in our first house in Azle. The first year we were there, we tried to decorate the outside but soon realized that it took a lot more lights than what we expected. All we had were the mini lights and there were 5 different colors attached together strung all over our house. We called it the Punky Brewster Christmas. Its funny how even with me being a perfectionist at so many things in my life, we were able laugh at our first attempt at decorating. We learned about C9’s in this house and how if you complete a circuit and plug the ends together, you can blow a fuse and start a fire. I remember being on the ground looking up at the roof and watching Jeff plug in the lights and the next thing I know, I see smoke coming from the attic ( where the whole circuit was plugged into ). I climbed up the back of my jeep and jumped on the roof so fast it was amazing! Thankfully, there was no fire but again more laughter. Paloma’s first Christmas (our 5th) was celebrated in this house, as well as Daisy’s (which was our 7th). We had fun dressing them up and making them pose in front of the Christmas tree. Paloma was such a sport and even let us put bows on her head. We also discovered after Christmas sales while in this house. My addiction to shopping the day after Christmas is what led to the 17 storage boxes full of ornaments, decorations and lights that I have now.

This was one of the strands of lights that were on our house in Azle. They were PINK but as you tell over the years the color has started to come off the bulbs.

In 2005 (our 9th Christmas) we spent it in our beautiful house in Fort Worth. We bought this house for its decorating potential. We even had an outlet put in the alcove above the front door so we could put another tree up there. The first year, we realized that the tree we once felt was huge was now too small to be put in the front window. We had to place it on a box to give it some height. Jeff climbed on our steep roof in 20 MPH winds and put up the Christmas lights. I loved decorating that house. We were in that house for 4 years but only celebrated 2 Christmas’ there. In 2007, I went through a deep depression after finding out about an unexpected loss. In 2008, we didn’t decorate because we were preparing to make one of the hardest, most important steps in our lives… moving back to Boyd so we could save money and move to dream destination, Vermont.

Our Tree in the back living room

The Tree in the Alcove

Front Room Christmas Tree

All of this leads me to our 14th Christmas together. It has been a hard year for us. This year we have learned so much about ourselves, our expectations, the importance of family and the perceptions you have about others. We have laughed a lot at our situation, our house that just isn’t right, family drama and people that are too serious about life. We have grown up a lot and realized that success is not measured by the size of your house or your belongings but by your happiness and your compassion towards others.

Our tree this year doesn’t have a star or angel on the top because it brushes our 8 foot ceilings and we don’t have any lights on the outside of our house but its beginning to feel like Christmas used to feel, surrounded by love, family and laughter.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

The porch that Jeff (and his dad) built

For the past 3 months every visitor has had to do lunges to get into our house. FINALLY we have a porch - we still plan on building a roof and putting rails on it but its so pretty just as it is.. AND now we don't have to worry so much that someone might fall and break their neck getting in or out of our house.


Thursday, April 30, 2009

Lake Media Room

I had no idea that I had Lakefront Property. We are going to name it Lake Media Room (how do you like that lame promotion..hahaha)

So besides a boat, what is one of the one things you have to purchase when you now have a lake forming around you.


I haven’t needed rain boots in about 12 years.